For Writers Island prompt: Emerge
I had to laugh when I saw what the prompt was for today. I am emerging. Had an Angiogram last Tuesday and came home with two stents in my heart. Oh, and a cold. Hospitals are such wonderful places.
I was told before the procedure, that if stents were put in, I would feel like a new person. It’s a bit difficult to tell yet, with all the sneezing, coughing, runny nose, and watery eyes. But, one thing is definitely different. I am sleeping far more soundly than I have in years. And yes, I can actually feel a bit more energy, and have even found myself doing a bit more than usual. All to the good, yes?
Was told after the procedure that I must take it easy for the first five days. That hasn’t been difficult with all the sniffles. But, I used that time to try to reorganize some of my files. Whew! They really didn’t get reorganized. However, it was very interesting to go back and reread some of the many things I’ve written (including nine chapters of a book about the Art of Personal Writing). It is definitely only in first draft form, but it will be a genuine help in another project I was planning to begin. I love it when that happens. I didn’t go looking, but found exactly what I needed.
Several weeks ago, I mentioned on my 1sojournal site that I might try doing some journal writing prompts. A few people responded, showing some interest. All of that sort of got swept into the corner with all the medical stuff that followed. But, now the medical stuff is behind me and I suddenly find all of this writing I did about Personal Writing. Hint, hint? Synchronicity? Intuition kicking in? Makes no difference. It’s all the same energy.
So, on Monday morning, I will begin doing the Journal Writing Prompts. That will be at http://1sojournal.wordpress.com/
It won’t work like a regular prompt site. This is personal writing after all. A dialogue with self. However, the prompt will stay up through the week, and if anyone finds something they want to share, they can do that on their own blog and simply leave the URL for the rest of us to take a look at. The comments section of the blog will be for questions, sharing, and discussions, as well as those URLs anyone might want to offer.
There was also a lot of poetry in those files. Pieces I had completely forgotten, a fiction piece that is total fantasy, letters I’ve written and images I have collected. Each file gave me ideas, avenues I want to explore, and projects I might be interested in doing. And the best part was knowing that I might now have the energy to do some of them, if not all.
Emerging means coming out, rising up, letting ones self be seen in different ways. It also means newness. New behaviors, attitudes, thinking, and even seeing. The word itself always reminds me of butterflies emerging from a cocoon. A new and transformed creature.
This is one of the images I found in those old files, one of many I colored and then put away and forgot about. Butterflies are symbols of transformation because they have four wings and each wing represents a stage in the transformation process, including that one of the cocoon.
And I certainly feel as though I am emerging from a cocoon. Although I may flit around a bit, I will do it slowly, the stents didn’t rid me of the old creaking joints, and crooked back. They did however, renew my spirit. That might be the best part of the whole experience: that sense that there are still things for me to do, to try, to accomplish.
However, I am also aware that emerging, stepping forward in a new way also means leaving whatever cocoon one might have established, or was inhabiting beforehand. That is not always easy. A comfort zone is after all, a comfort zone, a place where one felt comfortable, surrounded by those familiar things and at ease with whatever activity was previously going on. For the creature who becomes the butterfly, that cocoon is an entire self-sustaining environment, one that it might be quite difficult to leave.
I am feeling that to some extent. I had developed a routine, certain habits of doing things in a given manner, while ignoring others. Some of those habits will have to change, and although I know that is real, that doesn’t mean I will leap to let go of such things as ice cream on a fairly regular basis. I may have to be coaxed away from the freezer display cases at the supermarket on occasion.
This new conscious awareness of my heart as a fragile vital organ will help with all of that, but it will also mean staying open and alert to that awareness. Seeing everything through that new lens might not be so easy. And yet, I do feel that I have been given another chance, a new lease on life itself, and can only hope that new lens remains a vital factor in whatever choices I face. I think it will. I rather like breathing and all that it entails.
Although I spoke of the ice cream in a light and humorous manner, I find myself re-examining certain relationships that cause me a great deal of stress. There are defintely some things that will not be so easy to avoid as the supermarket freezer compartment. All of that will take time and deeper thought, but I will continue to emerge, one day and moment at a time. That I find exciting.