Emerging

 

For Writers Island prompt:  Emerge
http://writersisland.wordpress.com/

I had to laugh when I saw what the prompt was for today. I am emerging. Had an Angiogram last Tuesday and came home with two stents in my heart. Oh, and a cold. Hospitals are such wonderful places.

I was told before the procedure, that if stents were put in, I would feel like a new person. It’s a bit difficult to tell yet, with all the sneezing, coughing, runny nose, and watery eyes. But, one thing is definitely different. I am sleeping far more soundly than I have in years. And yes, I can actually feel a bit more energy, and have even found myself doing a bit more than usual. All to the good, yes?

Was told after the procedure that I must take it easy for the first five days. That hasn’t been difficult with all the sniffles. But, I used that time to try to reorganize some of my files. Whew! They really didn’t get reorganized. However, it was very interesting to go back and reread some of the many things I’ve written (including nine chapters of a book about the Art of Personal Writing). It is definitely only in first draft form, but it will be a genuine  help in another project I was planning to begin. I love it when that happens. I didn’t go looking, but found exactly what I needed.

Several weeks ago, I mentioned on my 1sojournal site that I might try doing some journal writing prompts. A few people responded, showing some interest. All of that sort of got swept into the corner with all the medical stuff that followed. But, now the medical stuff is behind me and I suddenly find all of this writing I did about Personal Writing. Hint, hint? Synchronicity? Intuition kicking in? Makes no difference. It’s all the same energy.

So, on Monday morning, I will begin doing the Journal Writing Prompts. That will be at http://1sojournal.wordpress.com/
It won’t work like a regular prompt site. This is personal writing after all. A dialogue with self. However, the prompt will stay up through the week, and if anyone finds something they want to share, they can do that on their own blog and simply leave the URL for the rest of us to take a look at. The comments section of the blog will be for questions, sharing, and discussions, as well as those URLs anyone might want to offer.

There was also a lot of poetry in those files. Pieces I had completely forgotten, a fiction piece that is total fantasy, letters I’ve written and images I have collected. Each file gave me ideas, avenues I want to explore, and projects I might be interested in doing. And the best part was knowing that I might now have the energy to do some of them, if not all.

Emerging means coming out, rising up, letting ones self be seen in different ways. It also means newness. New behaviors, attitudes, thinking, and even seeing. The word itself always reminds me of butterflies emerging from a cocoon. A new and transformed creature.

This is one of the images I found in those old files, one of many I colored and then put away and forgot about. Butterflies are symbols of transformation because they have four wings and each wing represents a stage in the transformation process, including that one of the cocoon.

And I certainly feel as though I am emerging from a cocoon. Although I may flit around a bit, I will do it slowly, the stents didn’t rid me of the old creaking joints, and crooked back. They did however, renew my spirit. That might be the best part of the whole experience: that sense that there are still things for me to do, to try, to accomplish.

However, I am also aware that emerging, stepping forward in a new way also means leaving whatever cocoon one might have established, or was inhabiting beforehand. That is not always easy. A comfort zone is after all, a comfort zone, a place where one felt comfortable, surrounded by those familiar things and at ease with whatever activity was previously going on. For the creature who becomes the butterfly, that cocoon is an entire self-sustaining environment, one that it might be quite difficult to leave.

I am feeling that to some extent. I had developed a routine, certain habits of doing things in a given manner, while ignoring others. Some of those habits will have to change, and although I know that is real, that doesn’t mean I will leap to let go of such things as ice cream on a fairly regular basis. I may have to be coaxed away from the freezer display cases at the supermarket on occasion.

This new conscious awareness of my heart as a fragile vital organ will help with all of that, but it will also mean staying open and alert to that awareness. Seeing everything through that new lens might not be so easy. And yet, I do feel that I have been given another chance, a new lease on life itself, and can only hope that new lens remains a vital factor in whatever choices I face. I think it will. I rather like breathing and all that it entails.

Although I spoke of the ice cream in a light and humorous manner, I find myself re-examining certain relationships that cause me a great deal of stress. There are defintely some things that will not be so easy to avoid as the supermarket freezer compartment. All of that will take time and deeper thought, but I will continue to emerge, one day and moment at a time. That I find exciting.

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About 1sojournal

Loves words and language. Dances on paper to her own inner music. Loves to share and keeps several blogs to facilitate that. They can be found here: http://1sojournal.wordpress.com/ http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/ http://claudetteellinger.wordpress.com/
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27 Responses to Emerging

  1. I am so glad the procedure was successful,although you caught a cold too. You will feel much better!

  2. vivinfrance says:

    Elizabeth, bravo for the emergence, and for writing about the procedure. As you know, my two stents have been there now for more than 12 years, and they have been the most creative years of my life.

    I will hope to join you on your life-writing blog – though maybe not this week, as I am suffering from a painful recurrence of colitis – which entails a diet of crackers and water!

    • 1sojournal says:

      Viv, sorry to hear that you are not feeling well, hope that passes quickly. But, am very interested in the statement you make about these years being your most creative. You have to know that you are one of my role models here on the prompt circuit, as well as being a friend. My Mother started painting after a bout with cancer at 60 plus and continued to do so into her late seventies. It was wonderful to watch her find her own potential, to be surprised at how everyone around her encouraged her to continue, and to see her forget to check the clock to see if it was time to stop and get dinner, do the wash, or vacuum. I see all of that in yourself and in others here, and it feels good to be a part of it. I certainly look forward to more and will be glad if you can and do join us.

      Thanks so much for your encouragement,

      Elizabeth

  3. Mary says:

    I think everyone is in the process of emerging whether conscious or unconscious. There is nothing ‘fixed,’ in life, which means we are all in the process of ‘becoming’ until the day we die. Right now you are consciously emerging, making decisions about directions your life goes. It is exciting to observe someone emerging, and I will enjoy watching where this goes. I will look at your life blog entry on Monday too. My best..Mary

    • 1sojournal says:

      Hello Mary, and I certainly agree with you about the potential to emerge at all stages of life and living. But, I also believe that individuals who actively participate in keeping their minds and creativity open and exploring, actually see that emergence far more clearly and get more deeply involved with it. That, in turn, makes their life far richer and more involved than those who simply sit back and say, “I’m too old for that sort of thing,” never giving themselves a chance. They seem to prefer that cocoon that old age can become, when they still have so much to give and to share.

      I feel particularly blessed at this point in my life, to have found such a rich, diverse and inspiring environment to be a part of. Even the most tentative form of encouragement can be that one piece of energy the creature needs to spread its wings and discover its own ability to fly and yes, be beautiful. You too have been and are a roll model, not just for me, but for all those others taking first tentative steps toward allowing themselves to emerge. I have long believed that creativity is a healing energy, and it takes just such energy to climb out of that cocoon and truly begin.

      Will look forward to seeing you on Monday, and take care, we all need what you have to offer,

      Elizabeth

      • Mary says:

        Elizabeth, interesting about role models. And thank you for saying I am a sort of role model. I appreciate that. I just ‘am’ I think. And I write and enjoy it, and I take words seriously, whether they are mine or someone else’s. And I am not one to sit back…or to sit much period (except when writing poetry). LOL. Next week will be a crazy week for me too, but I look forward to seeing your prompt.

  4. anthonynorth says:

    And do continue emerging. Good luck with the writing and I’m pleased the medical thing went well.

    • 1sojournal says:

      Thank you Anthony, I always enjoy reading your blog, and your comments. I do plan on continuing my journey, whatever form it should take. And that in itself is exciting, to know that I am still becoming, whatever it is that I am becoming. The writing has become so much a part of me, of my daily existence, and has led me to so many places and people, that I would find it difficult to go on without it. The very real fact that I have found an entire community that feels similar things is really frosting on the cake. Oops, I suppose that could be as dangerous as ice cream. Lucky I am speaking in metaphors at the moment.

      Thanks again, Anthony. I hope you continue to do the same,

      Elizabeth

  5. ana says:

    Beautiful butterfly!
    Good to hear that you have emerged better from the medical procedure. May you continue to heal and recover from your cold.

  6. Irene says:

    Thanks for sharing Elizabeth, and happy recovery. I agree that creativity is emergence. Love the butterfly, both your image and what it symbolises. Count me in as a writing companion!

    • 1sojournal says:

      Thank you Irene, it will be great to have you along. I so enjoy your perspective on things. Am grateful to have the procedure behind me and that sense of newness with each day. Am looking forward to more of the same.

      Elizabeth

  7. Really wonderful! Great!

    • 1sojournal says:

      Hi Annell, I know that you have been busy with your new project. Hope it is going well and that you are satisfied in wherever it takes you. Glad to see you here, and hope to see you often. Thanks for popping in,

      Elizabeth

  8. pamela says:

    Elizabeth,
    I love your attitude toward life. I am hoping for a speedy recovery for you. I hope to join you and the others on the writing blog. But right now work is crazy. It seems I have little time to myself and when I do my husband has something planned for us to do.
    Pamela

    • 1sojournal says:

      Pamela, thanks for the well wishes, I am hoping for the same. I understand about schedules and other plans. Join us when you can, it will be great whenever you can.

      Elizabeth

  9. Peggy Goetz says:

    I love your thoughts on emerging. Glad the medical stuff went OK and that you are recovering from the cold. Thank you for visiting my blog as well. By the way I love the photo at the top of this site. Keep up the good work.

    • 1sojournal says:

      Thank you Peggy. At my age the concept of emerging is not new, but still an exciting one. And glad you like the photo. I usually adorn my blogs with some of my own work, but this photo called to me and seemed perfect for what this blog is intended for. Thanks for your support and encouragement,

      Elizabeth

  10. rob kistner says:

    Congrats to you dear butterfly — I’ve been there and done that 5 years ago, but with only a single stent. Take good care, and follow the healthy path… 😉

    …rob

    • 1sojournal says:

      Rob, thanks for the support. Glad to hear that you’ve been here and are still flourishing. At the moment, the healthy path is still sorting itself out and I’m moving slowly on choices and decisions. That seems to be the best path.

      Elizabeth

  11. ms pie says:

    wonderful post elizabeth… thank you for sharing your journey… and glad to hear all is well for you…. that ice cream would be a bother i do not know what pooh bear would do without his honey… it’s hard to imagine… what an interesting idea for a blog prompt, i look forward to coming around and participating… dripping gray

  12. shanegenziuk says:

    Like I said to my mother in law when she had hers – at least it wasn’t 20 years ago before they got the survival rate so high. Stay healthy, and if you get through all the other things that can kill you, you’ll live forever!

    • 1sojournal says:

      Lol, Shane, not sure I would want forever unless I could go back to thirty and stay there through it. And you are absolutely right about the success rate. It was scary, but I kept telling myself about all the other people who have had it and survived, probably on a daily basis from the looks of it. Then they gave me the drugs and I suddenly realized that I couldn’t even remember what the hell I was worried about. Now that stuff is dangerous!

      Elizabeth

  13. b says:

    Isn’t is strange how something like you have experience give you a new lease on life? Be well. Oh by the way what was that drug they gave you? I am sure someone in this 55+ Rv Resort has some they will share. 🙂

    Be well. Thank you for the comment on my blog.

    b

    http://www.retireinstyleblog.com
    http://www.itcrossedmymindblog.com

    • 1sojournal says:

      Lol, thanks b. By the time I thought to ask however, I was too out of it to wrap my tongue around whatever the nurse said. We were both grinning by then, anyway and nothing really mattered. Sorry, and I suppose that would be true for this building in the apartment complex in which I live, nothing but gray and white hair around here. Man what a party that would be and totally forgotten the next day, lol.

      Elizabeth

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